What to do When You or Your Kid Gets Cut
One thing every coach wants you and your child to know if they don’t make the team
What do you do when your kid doesn't make the team? What's the next step? How should you react? With school and school sports starting, this question will certainly come up for many athletes and parents. This was also the Friday thread topic from
's newsletter, Good Game, and it made me consider a parent's perspective going into this week for our track and field program.Our high school track and field (sprints) team starts the off/pre-season program this week. We begin with time trials, evaluating who has times fast enough and enough coachability to compete at a high enough level. Athletes are put through this trial to give themselves and their teams a fair shot to compete with Texas's most competitive high school track and field teams.
Time trials week is not my favorite week for several reasons. First, Texas will be swelteringly hot this week, with "feels-like" temperatures eclipsing 115º Fahrenheit. These are not ideal temperatures for outdoor athletes.
Secondly, we don't want to cut anyone from the program. However, we do not have enough coaches to adequately coach every level of an athlete (think developmental versus elite-level athletes). In Texas, we're privileged enough to have dedicated class periods and coaches for our sports. For our program to succeed, we must ensure we give adequate attention to athletes primed to compete among the best. Conversely, ignoring the athletes who need more developmental attention is also unfair.
I tell parents and athletes yearly that I have the most straightforward and most challenging job as a track coach. It's easy because a stopwatch provides empirical evidence I can go by to tell me who is the fastest and who is not yet fast enough to compete at a high level. It's the most challenging job because I don't get to keep everyone even when I desperately want to.
Thirdly, I don't like time trials week because many student-athletes and their parents don't really understand that previous paragraph—especially if the parents didn't participate in sports beyond high school. Many student-athletes and their parents unintentionally take time trial cuts—or placement on the "B" or JV team—as an assault on their personhood. Some think coaches make biased decisions based on who they like or prefer. As a result, I've experienced the full-throated wrath of some parents. Some took a scorched-earth approach, attempting to make me put their kid on the team. Multiple accounts traumatized me to the point of consideration to quit coaching.
But if there's one thing almost all coaches want every parent and student-athlete to know, it is this: we cannot afford to be biased. Coaches, at least at the public—middle, and high—school levels, are competitive, and we want the best athletes on our teams to give everyone the best chance at experiencing success. Unlike club coaches, who the families must pay, public school coaches make the most honest skill assessments. Coaches don't line kids up and pick them based on "likes." Coaches assign athletes spots based on performance ability.
However, even when coaches must make cuts or "A" and "B" team assignments, we still try to create avenues of success for developing athletes. For example, in our track and field sprints program, if student-athletes can't make the times I provide them workouts, they can do them on their own time with the opportunity to come back in the spring and try out again. In other instances, we invite them to join the cross-country program and maybe find another avenue to develop their skills.
Coaches want student-athletes to stay involved, develop, and mature physically, mentally, and emotionally under our tutelage. We don't want them to quit, and America can't afford it as "America's Olympic Pipeline Might Start Leaking," according to
in his latest Range Widely newsletter. We need athletes to be resilient and keep competing even if they're cut or placed on "lower-level" teams.So what should you do if you or your kid gets cut, isn't put on the "A" team, or isn't named a starter? Every situation contains a unique set of circumstances, but at the core, we—coaches, parents, guardians, private coaches, athletes—must emphasize that we mustn't link our value to our performance.
Coaches, we can be better communicators of athletes' self-worth before, during, and after cuts. We must let student-athletes know we are not judging their personhood regardless of whether they make the cuts.
Athletes must accept disappointment as a motivator instead of a demotivator. I love telling athletes my story of playing high school football. All three years, I was a "B" team kid. I stuck with developing my skills and eventually became an all-district wide receiver and played college football. If you love a sport, you'll do whatever it takes to be where you want. You may not be the best, but you can still become an ultimate competitor—a skill you'll carry for a lifetime.
Parents, we can try emotionally opening up with our kids, reiterating their worth beyond the track, field, or court. We can walk alongside them and help them develop their skills if they want to compete. Sometimes, we'll learn kids don't really want to compete in some sports, and they'll surprise us if we give them space, to be honest.
Getting cut is not the end of the road. It is not an indictment of anyone's value or personhood. It can be the beginning of a new chapter or the origin story of one of the greatest athletes, like Michael Jordan. Whatever your ambition is, don't let one experience of disappointment destroy your self-worth.